Paul Muldoon and his new band, Wayside Shrines, will be appearing at The Stone in New York City on February 16.
Just in time for Valentine’s Day, we offer some of Muldoon’s song lyrics with exalted reflections on love.
THE ADULT THING
IT WAS OBVIOUS NEWT AND RUDY
WERE HAVING AN AFFAIR
JFK WAS DOING JUDY
WHILE JACKIE DID HER HAIR
SINCE LBJ AND FDR
OPENED UP THE WEST WING
THE GUY AT THE END OF A BAR
HAS POCKETED HIS RING
AND DONE THE ADULT THING
THE ADULT THING
HE’S DONE THE ADULT THING
SINCE TARZAN CHEATED WITH CHEETAH
AND MONICA WITH BILL
THE MASTER WITH MARGARITA
IN MARGARITAVILLE
SINCE PRINCE CHARLES AND PRINCESS DI
WERE CLEARLY BORN TO SWING
AND HENRY VIII CAME TO VIE
WITH MARTIN LUTHER KING
I’VE DONE THE ADULT THING
THE ADULT THING
I’VE DONE THE ADULT THING
NOW I VIEW THE WORLD THROUGH A SALTED RIM
SINCE I FOUND OUT ABOUT YOUR NIGHT WITH JIM
AND I’M STARTING TO WONDER IF IT’S TRUE
ADULTERY’S THE ADULT THING TO DO
YOU COULD SEE KOBE AND MAGIC
NEEDED MORE TRIPLE SEC
WHILE NELSON LAY HEMORRHAGIC
ON THE VICTORY’S DECK
AT LEAST EINSTEIN WOULD NEVER ASK
“HOW LONG’S A PIECE OF STRING?”
AT LEAST EINSTEIN WOULD NEVER MASK
HIS HAVING HAD A FLING
HE DID THE ADULT THING
THE ADULT THING
HE DID THE ADULT THING
YOU GOT THE ROLEX (I GOT THE ROLODEX)
WHEN JANE AND I HAD A LITTLE FLING
I THOUGHT YOU’D DISREGARD THE WHOLE THING
FOR YOUR APPROVAL SEEMED TACIT
IT PUT US ON COURSE
FOR A NASTY DIVORCE
AND SOMEHOW I
WAS FEELING HARD DONE BY
WHEN WE DIVIDED OUR ASSETS
FOR NOT ONLY HAD OUR MARRIAGE BEEN WRECKED
BUT YOU GOT THE ROLEX I GOT THE ROLODEX
THOUGH TIME WAS CLEARLY NOT ON MY SIDE
AND I WAS STRUGGLING AGAINST THE TIDE
WHILE THE WORLD SEEMED TO BE YOUR OYSTER
I’D NOT DROWN IN BRINE
WITHOUT A LIFELINE
I WOULDN’T DWELL
IN MY OWN LITTLE SHELL
LIKE A MONK SHUT IN HIS CLOISTER
FOR I’D BEEN GIVEN A WAY TO CONNECT
WHEN YOU GOT THE ROLEX I GOT THE ROLODEX
ONLY THIS MORNING ONE OF YOUR DOCTOR GAL PALS
SET HER ALARM TO SLUMBER
AND NUZZLED MY EXTERNAL AUDITORY CANAL
AND ASKED HOW I’D COME BY HER NUMBER
THAT I WAS ABLE TO BE IN TOUCH
LEFT HER SOMEWHAT SHOCKED INASMUCH
AS SHE’D THOUGHT OF HERSELF AS UNLISTED
SHE’D BEEN RETICENT
ABOUT HER DARK INTENT
TILL SHE CONFESSED
SHE HARBORED IN HER BREAST
THE URGE TO DO SOMETHING TWISTED
AND I MEAN REALLY TWISTED
THAT’S WHY I’M FEELING FINE IN RETROSPECT
THAT YOU GOT THE ROLEX I GOT THE ROLODEX
♥
For more on the show, click here. More about Paul Muldoon’s music here.
Also in the Little Star “Warm Up Your February” series of steamy poetry: C. K. Williams (here) and Dennis Saleh (here)
Paul Muldoon’s most recent book is Maggot. His poem “The Fish Ladder” first appeared in Little Star #1; hear him read it here.